Sorry John Updike

Saturday - purchase ginormous box of Cascade dishwashing soap cause it's on sale.

Sunday, 9:30 AM - wrench lower back/ass area with an ominous and audible popping sound whilst picking up ginormous box to load dishwasher with soap. Spend rest of day moaning about my lot in life, sitting my butt on a heating pad and pretending to write.

Monday, 6:30 AM- limp to car, drive to school, take elevator to 2nd floor with kids on crutches. Decline to explain the source of my limp. Cause honestly - I wrenched every ligament in my ass on a box of Cascade? Please. Hope pain killers keep working.

Monday, 9:30 AM - decide during conference period that it will make me feel better to eat part of a Hershey dark chocolate bar. Take half a bite and have chocolate piece wrench the new crown (the one that's fallen out once already since the root canal back in October) pull up and out into my chocolately mouth. Spit crown and chocolate into kleenex and limp to bathroom muttering school inappropriate words. Call dentist. Get appt. for that afternoon. Cancel training session I was supposed to attend.

Monday, 10:30 AM - teach "Ex Basketball Player" by John Updike with empty space in mouth where tooth is supposed to be while tooth resides in a piece of kleenex in my purse.

Monday, 11:30 AM - log on to check my email and discover that Updike has died.

Monday, sometime after the dentist replaces my tooth with hopefully strong cement and some chatter about how excited he is about my soon to be released Dreaming Anastasia while I figure that for us to come out even he'd have to buy like 10,000 copies - go home and reach into make up bag to get lipgloss and slice thumb on uncovered disposable razor. Bleed profusely all over Benefits "Talk to My Agent" gloss tube.

Monday evening - sit without moving on heating pad and watch tv rather than risk disturbing the universe anymore than I already have.

Til next time...